If i come over, it means nothing
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
