I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I am one with the molecules
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
