wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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