fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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