Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
