i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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