Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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