I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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