apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
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