smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
