I just gift wrapped bread.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
