Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
