I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
