I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
