its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Randomize
