Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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