I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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