She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
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