A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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