His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
