:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
