We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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