Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
