he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
