I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
