Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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