Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
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