we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
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