i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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