I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Randomize
