sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
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