he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
