Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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