I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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