He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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