every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
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I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
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Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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