You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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