Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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