I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize