I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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