the new term for farting is butt boxing.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
