I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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