I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I just blew my weed a kiss
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
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