All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
