Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
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i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
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Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
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