Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
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