no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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