see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
