I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
