She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
