so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
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