She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
