I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
