I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
