her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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