I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
