If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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